Another Catch

Do you ever wonder if maybe the life you want to live just isn't for you?

How do some people keep following their dreams no matter who puts them down? We only ever hear about successes - how many failures have there been?

Maybe, if I had been born in a different era, I wouldn't feel so helpless. Like everything around me is changing and growing and leaving and I'm just suffocating in the middle. But that's not really true, now is it?

I can feel myself moving. I'm not really sure if it's forward or backwards, but I'm definately headed in some alternate direction. Is this all just a part of growing up? Changing from the home I've grown up in to the home I hope to have for myself. It's just a journey, isn't it? But if it's a journey, what could the end destination possibly be?

Maybe I just worry too much. Maybe I worry just enough. I wonder if I really held on to any individuality.

And perhaps I'm just maturing, but that strive for uniqueness seems to be dying down. I'm starting to realize that I need to rely on people. That I need to be truthful, that I need to keep it together. Because in the end, we all die alone, but for the journey to be a success, you need some support. Being approachable. Being fun.

I hope to be always smiling.

Now I know being eternally happy is an impossibility - but I firmly believe it's those low times that make the highs that much better.

I'm so frustrated with the fact that I can't seem to pinpoint what kind of music I'd like to listen to. I'm not really sure I even know what genre I like anymore.

And sometimes I wonder. Have I changed myself without realizing it? I keep trying things, trying to keep it together. And still, I always feel like I'm the only one who cares.

But that can't really be true, can it?

Can it?

And it's so calming to hear the rhythm of the keys clacking underneath my fingertips. I haven't written a poem in a long while. I wonder if my books are in the mail - if they'll make it on time.

Are we growing apart? Growing together? Right back where we were? Fuck, where are we in the first place?

And does it even really matter.

Maybe I really do just need to lighten up for once.