One More Weekend

And it's so weird, how these feelings seem to interchange betwixt themselves.

We have nothing in common.         We think in the same fashion.
He frustrates me.                           He's incredibly understanding.
I irritate him.                                  I make him so happy.
What he says bothers me.              What he does makes me smile.
I can live without him.                     I dont want to have to.

And yet, all of these things put together, I realize that it's normal. Doubts, differences, everything inbetween. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship, even when it's just friendship. There are so many variables to these equations. There are infinities, imaginary numbers. The graphs overlap at tangents. Not everything has to be logical, yet nothing is based solely on emotion. 

So I take things as they come, I suppose. I stop being so pushy. I calm down. The only downside is that he has to do the same. It seems that when one of us becomes irrate, the other follows suit. The same goes for when we are happy. Perhaps the things I've been feeling lately have affected his persona. I wouldn't doubt it, it's happened before. Getting pissed off at him for no reason usually makes him pissy. Yet...

I keep trying my best. And I keep saying that he doesn't. But he does. It just takes time, right? As with anything, time makes a difference. He did come to visit me. Which was adorable. And he does try to come up with ways to spend our time. And we are happy. We laugh. We cuddle. We make eachother smile.

It's improbable to think that just because you love someone means everything will go easily, that they'll do what you expect them to without you ever telling them. We're all human. We cant read minds, though oh how very helpful that would be. We make mistakes. We accept other's flaws. Or at least, we should.

And as for me. Well. Every so often, I feel so insecure. I know other people feel exactly the same, and I try to comfort myself. But it doesn't always work, you know? There are things I'd like to change, but I'm too lazy to consistently do anything. Apparently I need more motivation than just feeling bad about myself. But in retrospect, I think I'm actually okay. Maybe disposition really is the magic fix. So, if I make myself take things more positively, I'll have a more positive outlook. It worked before, right?

And it made those two weeks incredibly light-hearted and happy-go-lucky. So smile. That's what I want, isn't it? To always be smiling. To at least always have something to smile about. Because I dont ever want to be in a situation where I have nothing left to lose. I'd rather have everything to lose, but something worth the risk. At least then, if it goes downhill, I won't have any regrets.