Analysis

I decided to backtrack and actually analyze my own poem, because I wonder if I can actually remember the reasoning behind each line now that it's been a few days. So, here goes.

1. why hide


               apicture

                        inapicture

                                   inapicture?
Simple. RA training. She warned us for the one activity that it was actually a picture within a picture within a picture. The phrasing is because it reminded me of that time paradox motivational poster I saw at one point in time. Also reflects the fact that everything is connected.

2. What purpose does it serve to keep zooming in?
Also simple. Also RA training. The picture was actually a huge picture of a car accident that zoomed into a bus that zoomed into a toy magazine that zoomed into a toy farm that zoomed into a house that zoomed into a rooster. Symbolizes the flow of time, and the fact that everything is connected.

3. These repetetive motions
                     Censor our thoughts
Relates partly to a song, and partly to sex. "Repetetive motions" was a link to the rhythm of intercourse. It also reflected "going through the motions," ie, just doing things but not feeling. Also links to the fact that basically the only thing I did in my past relationship was let him have sex with me. Thus the censoring our thoughts part, which obviously reflects my inability to be myself, which eventually turned into me thinking in dissonance because I was so afraid of upseting him, and even more so of being left all by myself.

4. Our beliefs?
How is it that they change?
Links to censoring thoughts, because if thoughts are censored, so are beliefs. A question because I'm wondering what happened to my beliefs during that time frame. What seems so important at one point in time can be incredibly trivial in another. Our beliefs are a big part of who we are, and having them change means we, too, change. Also reflects the ebb and flow of time, and hints at how connected we really are.

5. Beautiful answers
                  cause beautiful questions
A quotation from e. e. cummings, and also the hook of my essay I was writing that day. A beautiful thought, and one that I definately agree with. I love e. e. cummings ^_^

6. as a leaf f

                    a
                       l
                         l
                           s -
Another reference to a famous e. e. cummings poem. The poem, for me, always reflected the beauty of the world, and how sometimes very small, seemingly trivial events (such as a leaf falling) can cause breaking points and climaxes. Reflects my own thoughts on how I fought for so long to hold on to something I didn't really want, and one rash decision completely changed my outlook and made me decide the complete opposite thing.

7. Puppets dancing on their strings
A reference both to feeling controlled and to having forgotten all the values I learned while at Middle Earth. Puppets obviously reflects my thoughts on Zane, because he taught me how to use them and let me name a few of his. It was our special connection. Though at Middle Earth, I felt free - our puppets had no strings. The past year or so, I've felt controlled, and though I could still dance and smile, I still constantly felt restricted.

8. Apparent highlights
                Tangled up in a world of insecurities
A direct reference to Maddy's hairbrush, seeing as her hair has very natrual highlights that are visible when they fall out of her head and tangle into her brush. In a more abstract way, the fact that she seems to be so tangled up in herself right now, even the things that should seem to be obvious "highlights" of life are still clouded by her insecurities. Also reflects my own battle with personal insecurities.

9. Warning!

           this may be more than you can handle.
This is when in starts focusing on the present, which is happening so rapidly (but I'm enjoying it ^_^). It's only fair to warn him. I am impulsive and crazy sometimes and I do things that get me into trouble for the sake of others and I make people worry because I don't give myself enough focus. I know I am hard to handle, especially for someone who hasn't had nearly the same experiences. But at the same time, part of me has always loved taking chances, so as long as it's mutual, I'm all for it. Still, warnings are only fair.

10. If I told you my imagination
                  would let you lose the one for which you care
Would you still strive for immortality?
This one's a bit abstract. The day he originally told me he wanted to live forever, my mind, of course, strayed to creating reasons why he would ever change his mind. I had this big complex storyline about falling madly in love and living a happy life for years following our dreams and having a family until some incredibly dramatic un-foreseen turn of events I ended up with a life-threatening disease (or I was shot while on the field, I didnt really decide that detail) and while I was dying in a hospital bed, I whispered "Would you really want to live forever if you had to do it without me?" Morbid and random I know but that's just how my mind works. Thus, my imagination created people he cared deeply for and an almost perfect world. The question still remains the same - if you lose the person you base your life around, would you still strive to live forever?

11. Infinity is a definition; an english word
                    - not really your strong point -
Word choice is partially because of the card I recieved on Sunday. But infinity is in fact an english word, and he is definately more math minded - how could he ever understand the concept of infinity? Though at the same time, the phrase is meant to be contradictory because infinity is used in math, even though it is a defined word and not an actual number.

12. But that symbol of forever?
              Forever is composed of nows
That class I hold so dear
First line references the side-ways 8 symbol of infinity (you know, the one they use in math!). The second is the definition of infinity given by Emily Dickenson, which I find to be beautiful and competely agree with. Emily Dickenson is who we were discussing in my most recent poetry class, which is a class I hold very dear to me because I enjoy the topic so much, which is also something we have discussed. Once again, the major theme of the poem is reflected - everything is connected, and everything changes over time.

13. Burning new old ideas
                  Letting reality resurface
References the fact that Tyler is burning me CDs that have songs I used to listen to all the time on them. I stopped listening to them because it annoyed him when I would, which is why I am now "letting reality resurface," so to speak. The new old ideas is the fact that some of it is new music to me, and Tyler is also a relatively new friend, but the old ideas are ones that I have had for the vast majority of my life. I am becoming myself again.

14. "You must be so brave, beautiful."
I have been called brave. Strong. Beautiful. Lovely. Sympathetic, empathetic, intelligent. Everything. Yet I still never feel this way. I am just a human being. If this is how people see me, then so be it, but I know deep down how I really feel. That is why it's in quotes, because it reflects what people have told me about myself, not what I actually believe about myself.

15. So I'll catch me some Swiss Fever -
                 Regardless of fear, the future lasts forever.
Swiss Fever is the term used in Switzerland to explain why they are such a happy bunch. I have a shirt that reads "Swiss Fever - Life is so good." And yeah, at the moment, life is definately so damn good. But I know that can change in an instant. Regardless of that, "the future doesn't scare me at all." Kingdom Hearts, a game I had to pretend I held no interest in for far too long, has continuously been quoted indirectly throughout this poem. The final lines set the foreground that I am determined to be happy, to let myself be happy, and to still be who I am and let others be happy too. And though I know I'm taking a big chance here, whatever happens, happens, and I'm not afraid.

After all that, man, wow, I think it may be better to just speculate the reasoning and meaning behind certain poems. Far too much thought can be communicated through a few choice words.