How Do You Quote a State of Mind?

Am I happy?

Is that even a valid question? Do I have a reference point in which to compare? Is it really an emotion all by itself, or is it just another state of mind?

"Love is just a state of mind."

So then, if you think you're in love, you are, and if you don't think you are, you're not. That makes sense. At that moment, I thought I loved someone.

Then I decided that wasn't true, and I didn't feel that way anymore.

So does happiness work the same way? Oh I just can't wait to be king...

If I think I'm happy, that makes me happy, right? And if I decide that before I wasn't happy, does that then mean I wasn't happy, even if I was? Human memory is so... faulty. We are so inconsistent. Constantly in a flux. Nothing's ever is as simple as it seems, but nothing's ever overly complicated either. There always has to be an answer, even if the answer is just another question. Right? Maybe? No. There are some questions that don't have answers, I guess. Maybe. But some people aren't bothered by that. Or if they are, they don't let on about it too much.

Does it really bother me? Yes. I hate not knowing things. Especially when I don't know how I feel. Or how I felt. Was it really all that bad? Did I really have a reasonable exuse for being so angsty and keeping people away? But isn't that determination based upon perception?

What was it... I've said it before. Something like... A child feels the same amount of pain from not being able to buy a toy as does a child who is abused, because with nothing else to compare it to, and the inability to empathize, in both instances, it is the worst moment of your life (at that moment, anyway).

It's our mirror nuerons that make us able to judge what is or is not deserving of feelings of sadness, happiness, anger. So then who was the first person to decide what made them feel what? Do we really have the right to judge who's life was harder?

No, I don't think we do.

Too much of all this is based solely on perspective. There needs to be some ground point that let's this get put together, makes it all comparable.

But there isn't. It's just up to us individually to decide. Decide what exactly? I'm not exactly sure what I'm reaching for here, but it always manages to be tantilizing and just out of my reach.

That god damn irridescent butterfly of transcendence. It just keeps taunting me, I feel like a horse running after a carrot. So then why don't I just stop reaching for it and give up?

Simple. I want to know what it's hiding from me. Especially if it has some answers to my questions. So I keep on keeping on, never settle for less, and push myself forward. I guess.

My past is the one thing that will keep me unique. So then why does it change with each person I meet? Parts of it anyway. Am I ashamed of them? Embarassed? Uncomfortable? I'm still not quite sure. So let's find out what makes me tick.

Let's find out what makes me uncomfortable, happy, sad, angry, all of the above. Let's see what makes me me. It's something I've been trying for ages, but maybe this time it'll actually work. Or it won't, and I'll still keep pushing forward on a fruitless quest. Left alone in my head, too many thoughts, too many possibilities.

Too long to wait, and not enough time in the day. Am I my own contradiction? Wouldn't that make me a hypocrite? Or aren't we all like that - so inconsistent, yet we really believe we are always so stable, no matter how many studies prove we aren't.

We're so biased to ourselves, our judgements, our ideals, and our perceptions. And no matter how much I try to analyze it, my thought pattern brings me back full circle, and I'm right back where I started.

Maybe that's it. There is no start, no finish, no inbetween. We just circle for forever.

Eternity is a terrible thing to waste.