Another Time Around

And I think I'm handling it better this second time through. My only question is, will this be the last (either way) or will I have to pull myself through it again somewhere down the line?

Because I can see it. They can see it. I think the only one who cant see it is him.

And even still, I've gotten partially used to this. I still keep crying, but it's not hopeless tears like it was last time. And I don't know if that's because I refuse to believe it, or because I know better and  I've learned that things take time.

And it seems so odd. He still holds me, still stares into my eyes, still does all the things he always has - and for what purpose then? Maybe I'm crazy for giving him so many chances. Maybe I'm crazy for putting myself through this. For putting up with it.

Yet, when I'm here, and he talks to me, it feels... right? good? I'm not sure exactly how to phrase it, but I feel safe. And even now, I still feel loved.

And yes, I'll admit, I had my own way of dealing with it and it worked for me and I ended up right exactly where I wanted to be.

I know I can handle this, if I choose to. And as of right now, I'm choosing to. If things go well, that's great, I'll be happy - and if they don't, it'll suck for a while, but I know in time I'll be able to handle that too.

I'm hoping things go well though. Because I know where he's coming from. I know I've felt the same way, possibly even stronger than he is right now. But I kept it to myself - I didn't want to hurt him.

And it does hurt. But at the same time, it's okay. I know that people doubt how they feel. They get confused, they get angry. And I know that nothing he's feeling is any different from how I've felt a few times before.

I love him.

And last time this happened, he took those words away from me, so I was afraid to say them. I'm not afraid to say them this time, because it's the truth. And I believe he loves me too, whole-heartedly. He just needs a few reminders why.

"Everyone around you is rooting for you. Don't give up!"