Helpful Haunting Hurtful Hatred

Final class. And then I never have to go through class for an entire day ever again. But in retrospect, it really wasn't that terrible, was it? At the very least it gave me something to do. Another night class next semester. But hopefully it wont strech all three hours. Except I need to buy a book for it. And now I'm rambling again.

I'm a little unbalanced. Aren't I? Spending so much time away from here, though I guess not really, since I did also spend alot of time here. Maybe. I'm not really too sure. I just don't really want to have anything to regret I suppose. But why would I regret spending time with someone who I do so enjoy to be around?

And who really seems to genuinely care for me.

Who knows. Feelings are so... fickle. They change so swiftly and so often, and come in varying degrees. There's no certainty, no guarentee, no anything. Just taking it day by day and hoping for the best. Which is what I like, right? Or would I really rather know the future? Maybe. I'm not really too sure. But there's something itching my mind, in the back of my head, and I think I know what it is but at the same time it continuously escapes my grasp. It's keeping me from paying attention, keeping my glittery pens moving along my lined papers, keeping that rhythmic clacking noise alive in my mind while I shuffle through ideas, trying to find what I've managed to bury so far down.

Or maybe it's nothing at all.

Am I really okay? I haven't bothered to ask myself that in quite some time. Maybe I figured I'd keep myself safer if I just ignored the question because then I would never have to let it cross my mind.

But now I'm wondering. And maybe it's because of new company. Am I okay? Am I lonely? Am I happy? Am I anything?

But at least I have one certainty. No matter how different I am or how many times I change, willingly or otherwise, all these feelings, all these thoughts and ambitions and confusions - they all mean one very simple thing.

I am human.