Take a Breath and Softly Say Goodnight

So why are you so eager to pretend? Pick the pieces up, pick the pieces up...

I am staring at my beautiful picture of Johnny Depp and realizing that zero of my favorite actors have blue or green eyes. In fact, they all have dark eyes. So I could never date any of them. Too bad for them.

Shifting things around again. Gaining new perspectives. Which always means more unanswerable questions.

There is still a certain... stench when she's in the room. And yes sometimes it drives me out, but for once I am exhausted from fighting. And I still want to write out or draw out or something my character. Wonder what I'd look like in my own crazy changing form of art? Maybe I'll experiment. But I'll probably just get frustrated and stop again. And again and again and again.

Flyleaf. Devil music. Everything just being everywhere and nothing being nowhere and it's all happening all at once and I think I need to learn to take a breath and two steps back so I can shift things back into my line of sight but I'm too busy sprinting forward so there's no way that will ever happen.

But what exactly am I running from?

I know the answer to that one at least. Which means I'm running from something I don't even know. So isn't that normal human behavior, running from the unknown? Maybe I'm the normal one. And music videos play through my head with the beat of every song I hear.

You are the reason that I breathe, you are the reason that I still believe...

Do people really feel so strongly about another specific person that it makes their life meaningless if that person would be to disapear? Would I want that? I think I'd be too afraid of losing. But at the same time, I would love to feel something that strong.

It's nice having something stable to lean on, in case you hesitate before kicking off. The ground crumbling beneath your toes makes for a much shorter, scarier jump than if you push off from something solid.

And I'm here. Doing what? Something maybe nothing and everything inbetween. I'm not entirely sure.